Sunday, December 12, 2010

beginning all over again

How can it be the end of December already? I'm sure it was June just the other day. And I'm not alone in this sense of bewilderment ... I've heard this sentiment repeated countless times by others. How could the entire year have all but slipped away? My heart is beating faster than usual, and I have a nagging sensation that I've forgotten something.

I have actually forgotten a few things. I've forgotten to be more patient with my kids. I've forgotten to visit my grandfather more often. I've somehow forgotten to write regularly - to record thoughts and moments and stories. I've forgotten to shut my mouth in that moment before it gets me into trouble, and I've forgotten to meditate every night. How did this happen? To be honest, I didn't even totally forget - I just didn't quite bother to do all these things.

Oddly, I don't feel too daunted by my failures. I feel a little regret, yes, but right along with that is a great whack of hope, of energy, of purpose. Because a new year is coming - a brand new, wrapped-in-plastic, never-been-opened set of 365 days lies ahead. Never mind that the start of this 'new' set of days is arbitrarily designed, never mind that in reality one could pick any set of three hundred odd days and call it a new year. Never mind all that! Soon it will be 2011, and that means everything will be different. Or at least, it could be different. It can be different if I make it so. If we all make it so.

I wish you joy in 2011.