Sunday, September 13, 2009

writing a wrong

After two months of writing nothing more than a permission slip for a child's school excursion, I've noticed a restlessness begin to permeate my life. I'm edgy and unfocussed. I try to read but I lose interest. I watch TV but even my favourite show fails to fully entertain me. I accuse my husband of being grumpy, but perhaps it's me who is grumpy. Life is good, the sun is shining and the kids are blooming - all is well in my world. I just have this niggle I couldn't quite identify - until today. I realised I need to write.

I don't care who's reading this. I doubt anyone will still be reading here - why should they? I've been away such a long time in this fast-paced world. So it's not really with any audience in mind I write. I just need to write. I miss expressing myself, rendering experiences forever immortal on a page. I miss feeling that I have something worthwhile to say (whether this be true or not). I miss the fact that when I write here, I realise what I've been thinking and feeling more clearly than at any other time in my busy life.

Re-reading the above paragraphs, I'm aware I sound like a self-obsessed loser. And maybe that's true when it comes to writing. But in my defence, I do think of others throughout my day. I care for my family, I stay in touch with friends, I try to be a good listener at work. But writing is my little bubble, my refuge. I want to do more of it.


fifi said...

My goodness, you are many things but self obsessed loser is not one of them.

I am glad you have surfaced, I love reading up about your observations on life. I like the way you see things, and it really is a good way to set things into some coherent form, to articulate your thoughts, by writing them here.

I look forward to sharing your view of the world here.


Puss-in-Boots said...

Welcome back, Jelly. You are still on my blog list and I check to see whether you've posted, knowing that one day I'll see something from you and voila! tonight I was rewarded.

A self obsessed loser? I really don't think so. We get caught up in our daily world and then, as you've found, we realise something is missing and so we do something about you've done.

Again, welcome back, Jelly and I hope that you feel a tiny bit more settled now.

Motherkitty said...

I'm still reading. Always look for your posts. I don't think most of us are writing a lot these days. Lots are on Facebook and lots have just stopped writing (me included). I know that edgy feeling -- you feel as if you want to do something but just don't know what. Read, maybe. Watch TV, maybe. Go outside, maybe. Hike, maybe. Write on your blog, yes, maybe.

I hope you and your lovely family are having a wonderful day. Please stay as sweet as you always are because you are a breath of fresh air in this stale blogosphere.

L. xxooxx

freefalling said...

Chill, dude.

Let it all out.
A veritable explosion of verbal diarrhoea (that's an attractive image - probably one, as a doctor, you try to avoid!).

You don't sound like a self-obsessed loser - you sound like someone who is standing up for themself (or is it themselves??)

Go for it!!!

Alice said...

Please do more of it (writing), Jelly....we've missed it, and need it like a

I'll bet you would be amazed at how often we have checked your blog....I know I have checked it almost daily, wondering how you were and if all was well within your world.

I know that other things take over from blogging from time to time, but when you have the urge to write, always remember that we're here waiting to read.

Have a wonderful week, Jelly.

Heather said...

You do NOT sound like a self-absorbed loser!

I can't wait to read all you have to write!

Stomper Girl said...

Yes please write more, I've missed you. But only if you want to and feel like it of course, no nagging from me nossirree

John Cowart said...

You're back.
Every day for months now I've checked to see if you had returned.
I'm glad you've finally returned.
Please keep on writing.

Michelle said...

Glad you are back!!

Susan said...

Wow, just look at all these readers who have been waiting on the edge of their seats, lurking daily on your blog for the next post, hands poised over mouses ready to click on 'leave your comment'... me too!

Good to hear from you, perhaps just the winter doldrums down there? Looking forward to more musings from you soon!

DB said...

Welcome back Jelly. Love your unique view

Alipurr said...

hey, I have totally felt like that before...I will even admit to writing blog posts in my head, though most of them just stay there, ha ha. I keep thinking, hey, that's great, I have to go write that down on my blog, but never do...I think you have inspired me, and I will go and write something right now :)

Alipurr said...

oh, forgot to say, totally love you homonym (or is homophone) title.... :)

Meggie said...

I am so glad to see you!! I too feel this restless Spring thing.
I suspect a lot of us use this writing as therapy. I think I do.
You write what you like, & we will still be here, patiently waiting, & reading.
Welcome home Jelly!

thisisme said...

I'm glad to see you back - and what Motherkitty and Alipurr said. Please keep writing - even if it is just for your sanity (just!!!!?) I'll be reading

Anonymous said...

Wow, I have just found your blog via Strange Fruit (a grand blog if ever there was!). Self-obsessed? Not at all. Writing is such a sign of an onward movement - body & soul together. I sensed the divine (& I'm not religious...) the other day - I had begun writing again and I think that opened the door. A journey across the page.

Isabelle said...

Oh, lovely to see you back! You're no more self-obsessed than the rest of us... we all write vaguely hoping that someone will reach out and accept the communication.

I had kind of lost hope of your returning and then I was sitting at the computer procrastinating (really need to go and cut the grass) and checked you and there you were. I shall now push the lawnmower with a lighter step: Jelly had returned.

Isabelle said...

I really meant "Jelly has returned" but you know what I mean. You had and still have.

Remiman said...

****YEAH***** you're back!!!!
I've missed you so much!

Kerri said...

Hello dear Jelly,
You may have been "gone" for a while, but certainly not forgotten!
You, a self-obsessed loser? Never! That's absolute poppycock! Bite your tongue girl!
And keep writing. I love to read your "ramblings" :)
Please give my regards to your dear mum.

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

Although I'm not a good writer myself I do know how you feel about writing. I find that I need to express myself whether anybody reads it or not doesn't matter.

Keep writing Jelly. There are a lot of bloggers who miss you.