Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Three Things

1) A couple of weeks ago, I purchased some beautiful Christmas cards, in two different varieties. They are sparkling and pretty and very festive. I secreted them high up in the cupboard where I keep cards, ribbons and wrapping paper - safely away from peanut-buttery fingers and spilled cups of milk and cut-cutting scissors that cut my magazines I haven't even read yet. So there they sat, forgotten, but pristine, until today, when I went looking for a special card I'd put away to send to a friend.

Dazzle! dazzle! winked the cards. I smiled, and lifted them out in their two packs, admiring them all over again. I congratulated myself on my wise purchase, and sighed contentedly, pleased to think I had the Christmas card thing all sewn up. I stood there beaming, until a nasty niggly thought intruded upon my happiness, twisted and turned, then swelled and balloooned, until it exploded in my head like an egg in a microwave and I realised drat blast and bother! I still have to write on these things!

I know. You'd have thought that was obvious.


2) At work yesterday, I saw a darling old lady called Mrs B. She is warm, funny, anxious, hopeful and sad in turns. Her husband died earlier this year, and she misses him very much.

One of the things I like best about Mrs B is her humour. Her attitude to life could be summed up in the way she approaches her ailments: from time to time she tells me about a particular symptom, but then follows up with the disclaimer "I suppose it's nothing more than galloping old age!". Sometimes, I am able to suggest a remedy, while other times I am only able to suggest a way of easing her symptoms, but either way, Mrs B's laughter in the face of her grief and her health problems is so inspiring. 'Galloping old age' may test her endurance, but it has not dimmed her light.


3) Chin hair. (ah yes, stop reading now if you are squeamish about hair) We all have it, some more than others. Mostly males have more, females have less (see what I learnt at medical school? Incredible.). But somewhere around the age of 30, or was it 35? - my soft blond tiny chin hairs began to mutate, grew subtly longer, and then I grew a couple of strange wiry ones, which I pluck assiduously. That's all OK - I've discussed this with friends and they have a few chin hair issues, too - it's no biggie. Except something very worrying has happened now...... my prize chin hair has disappeared!!

I've been plucking the stubbly little sucker out every two or three weeks for months, and then out of the blue ...... nothing. No sign of it. No telltale roughness under the skin. No bump. No prickle poking through. Zip. Zero. Nothing for a few months now.

I'm worried it is growing darker, thicker, longer, hidden under the skin. I'm frightened that one day it will suddenly unfurl, in a great wave of horrendous hirsuite hairiness, rolling out and falling in a curling wave to my feet. I might even be in the middle of a consultation. Its extreme wiriness could knock the patient out of their chair; the hair might unroll itself into the patients nose while I'm examining their throat. This could be a disaster of momentous proportions.

Where's my chin hair?

I just want to know that it's safe to go out.



John Cowart said...

Funny thing, I wrote about scissors earlier this morning too.

Like your patient, my Grandmother only recognized three medical conditions: Creeping Corruption, Galloping Corruption, and chainsaw accidents. She lived to be 93.

Chin hair? Mine seems to be migrating from the top of my head to my chin.

Ali said...

I don't do Christmas cards any more. I'd like to say that it's out of a sense of environmentalism but really I am just too lazy.

I had a cheek hair that grew back each time I plucked it for a few years and then disappeared. I just thought it was gone but now you've got me thinking I haven't been paranoid enough!

mackey said...

It's going to explode out of your chin at the worst possible moment.....keep emergency tweezers in your pocket just in case.=)

thisisme said...

I've got that lovely, shiny, sparkly collection of Christmas cards too. And the stamps. Writing on the cards. Not so much. Hence my lovely collection. But they are so pretty.

Thank you for my Wednesday morning laugh. I spat my water when I got to the part about "being safe to go out". Priceless

Heather said...

You are so very silly. It's one of the reasons I love you!

Mimi said...

Hi Jelly, I have become an old curmudgeon and don't even do real cards anymore except and unless the person is over 80 and does not do any computer things. I do love cards still though.


Abandoned in Pasadena said...

Funny story about your chin hair.

I don't send Christmas cards anymore but this year I found some cute handmade ones that I bought in a thrift store and put away for Christmas. They're so cute that I'll probably keep them. So much for sending Christmas cards.

Susan said...

It sounds as if all is well and good in your life! Your humor equals your patient's, and all you have to worry about is a few cards and a disappearing chin hair... great post!

Motherkitty said...

I know you lost that chin hair, but I'm here to tell you that I found it on my chin this morning.

Happy holidays!

Puss-in-Boots said...

I love your take on chin hair...but I think you've sent that particular one my way. A long wiry dark one. but not on the chin...a little further down on the throat. Shall I cut it? The hair I mean, not my throat...

Remiman said...

What a delightful mood you're in for this post;)
Oh my, thanks for reminding me that I'll need to purchase some of those cards myself pretty soon. There's still plenty of time, no need to rush.

Galloping old age!? Yes it's one of the few things that picks up speed as the years roll by. Folks from that era don't take themselves too seriously. Aches and pains are expected and dealt with.

Growing older for me has meant thinning hair that changed from dark to light. However a forest of hairy protrusions have been sprouting from my ears: canal and lobes. Hmmm, perhaps I'll quit trimming those and see if I can comb them up and over my scalp!

Great post Jellyhead. Chuckling is a great way to greet the day. :)))))

Isabelle said...

I love getting Christmas cards and I don't even mind writing them. I just never seem to have time to do them except in a huge rush.

The one good thing about the age I'm at is the prospect of retirement and LOTS of free time. Or at least that's the idea.

Nice to have another Jolly Jelly post!

Kerri said...

I'm getting ready to pull out the Christmas cards and get started on that very time consuming job. I love to receive cards, and especially enjoy reading yearly updates from those who enclose a letter, or even a little news. I always do an annual Christmas letter. I know some think it's cheesy, but our family and friends seem to appreciate it, and many reciprocate.
The Mrs. B's of this world are a delight, and an inspiration to us all :)
Sounds like you finally won the battle of the chin hair :)
Your words always bring smiles and for that I Thank you, Jelly dear :)

Stomper Girl said...

Sounds to me that you declared war on the chin hair, it fought back for a while but then you CONQUERED it. You are the Chin Hair Conqueror, all hail to you.

Meggie said...

Once, many, many, moons ago, after a cheeky young lad told me I had a better moustache than he did, I was so moritfied, I began to pluck every hair out. Now I have no moustache. Same happened to my chin hairs! And sadly, to my eyebrows when I took too many, they did not grow back, so now I have the slightly startled thin brow look. I warn my Granddaughter not to pluck too many eyebrow hairs- I get the flippant answer, that she 'wants to look mean'.
It is strange, but my mother's best friend warned me about plucking the little blighters out. She said they would not grow eventually, & of course, for chin hairs it is perfect!
I say you are quite safe -yours have probably just given up & died!

Eileen said...

Isabelle - don't you believe it! There's a special box that steals all the time you think you'll have on retiral. You end up wondering how you ever had time to go to work.
Meggie - I'll live in hope then. It worked with my eyebrows to some extent but the chin doesn't want to give in. Don't mind the natural blond look (I live in Italy, everyone calls it blond) but the chin hair - yuk!

Jellyhead - lovely you're back. Keep giving us smiles. And walking down the street note how many people can be encouraged to smile if you smile at them!!!! Left over from the last post - I always smile at people in wheelchairs and their pusher too. Anyone who's different needs a nice smile. So that's all of us then.

Heidi said...

You crack me up! The syuff about the chin hair had me giggling!

I was very squeamish (spelling?) about the peanut-buttery fingers and those cards. That is my BIGGEST pet peeve... when paper gets greasy spots! It is inevitable that the most important papers around our house(the ones that need to get back to someone important) get set onto the kitchen counter and then... wham! The grease spot shows up!

Lovely to read here again... I have been away from blog-land a while. Cheers!

TUFFENUF said...

Thanks, Jell, for the kind comments on my blog. I post so infrequently, I never know if my blog friends have given up on me! By the way, I am a chin hair expert! Every morning I scan my chin with a flashlight & tweezers in a 15x mirror! Your missing hair will show up in about 6 months!

Remiman said...

Happy New Year !!


Meggie said...

Hi Jelly, Hope you are ok, & just wanted to wish you all the best for 2010!
Love megxx

Tabor said...

Just came by because I remembered that you were on mannababies log and I miss her blogging. I don't think ever stopped by your blog, but glad I did.

Rachel said...

oh Jelly, I've not known anyone to write as disarmlingly honestly as you do, your writing always brings a smile to my face.
Female chin hair, now that is a topic I didn't think I would ever read about, however the wonders of blogging.
I have a tuft of about 6 chin hairs that sprout and I pluck them out at the first sign of them. But there is something oddly comforting in their regularity. May yours reappear at an opportune moment.

Alipurr said...

enjoyed reading this...thought I had commented before, but that must have been just in my head :)