Wednesday, April 27, 2011

old loves

What is it about recalling long-ago love that causes such delicious pain? Why do we hang on to our happy-sad memories, cling to thoughts of past love affairs, muse about old lovers with fondness and regret, even when we are perfectly happy with what we have now? Is it some twisted form of self-torture? Is it an example of our eternal ingratitude; is it sign of our grasping greedy times?

Recently, I heard news of an old boyfriend. He sounded much nicer than when I dated him. It seems he has grown up and changed (not so surprising, since it was almost 20 years ago that we dated!). Since part of the way I had gotten over him, all those years ago, was to remind myself of what a jerk he was, this news of his seeming kindness and stability was somewhat disturbing. I found myself wondering what he is like now, and I caught myself remembering some of the good times we had, long ago. Then I felt guilty, because that seemed treacherous. I love my husband, I think he's gorgeous in every sense of the word, and he and I just fit. I can't imagine being married to anyone else. So what's with the daydreaming of lost love?

I am remembering what it felt like to be infatuated. That silly, idolising, heady sort of love. That immature, not-always-self-respecting, slightly-obsessive sort of love. It usually ends in pain for someone, but it is exciting and exhilarating and it mostly happens when you're young. It seems to me that what this is really about is me being nostalgic about my silly, giddy, anything-is-possible youth. These days I am middle-aged, my right knee keeps hurting, I am getting jowls, and my husband rolls his eyes at most of my jokes, but back then I was a fresh-faced, willowy strawberry blond who was smart and passionate and funny, and it seemed like the world was just unfolding in front of me in all its wonder.

My ex-boyfriend seems to have turned out to be a decent enough sort of man. I'm glad he has made a good life for himself. I remember the fun we had together, but I also remember that he didn't make me feel adored; there was no constancy. We were wrong together. We didn't fit.

I remember my long-ago love with a certain fondness, but it is like a garment outgrown or worn thin. It used to be my favourite shirt, but now it is shabby and faded and I can hardly remember why I liked it so much. I fold it and put it away at the back of the cupboard. It is only a rag now (but I can't quite throw it out).


19 comments:

Stomper Girl said...

Maybe it was your good influence that steered him to become a better man later in life?

I'm so glad I ditched my ex and met Fixit. The ex was so immature and I remember thinking I didn't want to have babies with him because I didn't think he'd be mature enough to handle them. Apparently he has a kid now, I often wonder how that went and whether his wife had to kick his arse into shape

thisisme said...

Oh, it is so lovely to see you. It's fun remembering the past, and wondering what if, but there is a reason they are in the past.

Just fitting is wonderful.

rel said...

Jellyhead,
Your last Paragraph nailed it!
We are multifaceted beings and we constantly reassess where we've been to help us choose where we're going, what new endeavors to take up and what to leave behind.
Looking back, I think, sometimes, there are things I'd have done differently. Not many though, because then I'd not be who I am today. Like you, I suspect, I like who I am today.
Old girl friends come to mind from time to time; I thank them for what I learned.
rel

Isabelle said...

How lovely to have been a willowy blonde...

I was never particularly willowy. Or at all blonde.

Nice to see you back! And nice that you still love your husband.

Alipurr said...

stopping by to say hi :)
sometimes life is all about our perspective, isn't it?
I am like you....so many things in my life I couldn't imagine any other way, and I am so glad I ended up with the sweet husband I have.

Bwendo said...

Gorgeous post - thanks for sharing. I have some similar posts on my blog about growing and evolving Sober Blog

Griya Mobil Kita said...

Nice article, thanks for the information. sewa mobil

Kerri said...

Hi Jelly,
It's lovely to read your thoughts after not visiting for so long. I haven't been very active in the blogging world lately.
Yes, strange beings, we are, dredging up happy-sad memories and thinking of those past love affairs as...well...romantic.
We are both very lucky to have found "comfortable shirts" who make us feel adored :)
I'm so glad you stayed safe and dry through those awful floods. And glad to hear Jellyma made it through safe and well fed too.
I hope you and your family are well and enjoying life.
xox

Meggie said...

What a wise, and familiar feeling this post had for me.
Remembering past 'loves' can make me cringe at times! I am glad I met a man who, 'fit'.

Sandy Hatcher-Wallace said...

Sometimes past loves aren't as good as we remembered them either, especially when you get to be my age. I am just where I should have been all the time with my comfortable shirt that fits me very well.

manababies said...

I can certainly relate. Though often when I take the thought full circle I remember the heartbreaking end. :( I guess the same goes for those shirts that have accumulated in the bottom drawer that I can't seem to bring myself to donate. I try them on, realize they aren't that comfy (and some are actually sort of ugly), but they get tucked away again.

Linda said...

Wish you were still blogging. I really enjoyed reading your updates.

Kwok Wai Wu said...

Nice post. Thank you so much. I am sure I will recommend it to all of my friend. At the same time, I would like to invite you to visit my blog at http://1newbornbabyclothing.blogspot.com which share all my happiness and sadness with you. Also you may get a chance to win many special gifts and offers from my blog. Looking forward to hearing from you very soon.

http://www.1newbornbabyclothing.com/

Tegar Fajar said...

Prediksi Bola
Judi Online
Bursa Taruhan Casino
Taruhan Bola
Judi Bola Terpercaya
Bandar Bola Online
Agen Taruhan
Prediksi Bola
Judi Online
Agen Casino
Taruhan Bola
Casino Online
Agen Bola
Prediksi Dan Berita Sepakbola
Agen Bola Online
Bandar Bola
Agen Casino
Situs Judi
Agen Bola
Taruhan Online
Bandar Judi Terpercaya
Agen Bola
Taruhan Bola Online
Agen Casino Terpercaya
Taruhan Bola
Judi Online
Agen Casino Terpercaya
Agen Bola Online
Situs Judi Casino Online
Bandar Taruhan Bola
Agen Casino
Judi Online
Bursa Taruhan
Bandar Bola
Agen Judi Bola
Bandar Bola Online
Casino Online
Informasi Terupdate
Sumber Berita
Sumber Inspirasi
Berita Terbaru
Inovatif
Berita Bola
Prediksi Bola Jitu
Hanya Untuk Anda Pecinta Dunia Maya
Info Masa Depan
Ulas Bola Hari Ini
Info Masa Depan
Ulas Bola Hari Ini
Info Terupdate
Berita Inovatif
Berita Pilihan
Prediksi Skor
Berita Bola
Jadwal Bola
Prediksi Bola
Pasaran Bola
Berita Bola Online
Informasi Terkini
Prediksi Dan Berita Sepakbola
Info Berita Terbaik

Tegar Fajar said...

Prediksi Bola
Judi Online
Bursa Taruhan Casino
Taruhan Bola
Judi Bola Terpercaya
Bandar Bola Online
Agen Taruhan
Prediksi Bola
Judi Online
Agen Casino
Taruhan Bola
Casino Online
Agen Bola
Prediksi Dan Berita Sepakbola
Agen Bola Online
Bandar Bola
Agen Casino
Situs Judi
Agen Bola
Taruhan Online
Bandar Judi Terpercaya
Agen Bola
Taruhan Bola Online
Agen Casino Terpercaya
Taruhan Bola
Judi Online
Agen Casino Terpercaya
Agen Bola Online
Situs Judi Casino Online
Bandar Taruhan Bola
Agen Casino
Judi Online
Bursa Taruhan
Bandar Bola
Agen Judi Bola
Bandar Bola Online
Casino Online
Informasi Terupdate
Sumber Berita
Sumber Inspirasi
Berita Terbaru
Inovatif
Berita Bola
Prediksi Bola Jitu
Hanya Untuk Anda Pecinta Dunia Maya
Info Masa Depan
Ulas Bola Hari Ini
Info Masa Depan
Ulas Bola Hari Ini
Info Terupdate
Berita Inovatif
Berita Pilihan
Prediksi Skor
Berita Bola
Jadwal Bola
Prediksi Bola
Pasaran Bola
Berita Bola Online
Informasi Terkini
Prediksi Dan Berita Sepakbola
Info Berita Terbaik

Tegar Fajar said...



Bursa Taruhan
Berita Terhangat
Info Masa Depan
Berita Terupdate
Sumber Berita
Hasil Skor
Prediksi Bola Terpercaya
agen texas poker dan domino
bola pelangi agen bola sbobet
Judi Online
Taruhan Bola
Agen Casino
Bandar Bola
Agen bola
poker
judi on-line
Prediksi bola
togel
Info Skor Hari Ini
Update Bola
Prediksi Online
Bursa Taruhan Bola
Berita Terkini
Informasi Akurat Berimbang
Jadwal Dunia Sepak Bola
Prediksi Skor
Dapatkan Info Berita Bola Terbaru
Informasi
Berita Terbaru Era Masa Kini
Harian Bola
Bursa Online dan Berita Bola
Info Terakurat dan Terpercaya
Opini Info Terkini
Info Terkini
Kumpulan Informasi
Info Online
Berita Bola
Prediksi Skor
Cerita Dewasa
Semua Tentang Bola dan Khusus Dewasa
Portal Berita Bola
Prediksi Skor
Berita Informasi Terkini
Harian Bola
Ulas bola
Info Akurat
Prediksi Bola
Berita Bola
Jadwal Bola
Info Berita Bola
Prediksi Skor
Cerita Dewasa
Sumber Informasi Terkini

Tegar Fajar said...



Cerita Dewasa
Berita Akurat Bola
Cerita Sex dan Foto Bugil
Berita Akurat Bola
Cerita Sex dan Foto Bugil
Berita Akurat Bola
Cerita Sex dan Foto Bugil
Prediksi Bola
Info Akurat
Cerpen Dewasa
Foto Seksi
Info Bola
Bursa Bandar Bola
Dewasa News
Prediksi Bola Malam
Berita Bola
Berita Baru dan Selalu Update
Informasi Terkini
Prediksi Dan Berita Sepakbola
Berita Terkini Dan Terpecaya
Bocoran Togelria.com
Prediksi Togel Singapura
Hongkong
Macau
Info Asia Skor
Prediksi Skor
Berita Bola
Info Berita
Prediksi Skor
Berita Bola
Tips Dan Trik
Ulas Bola Hari Ini
Prediksi Skor
Jadwal Bola
Agen Bola Sbobet
Agen Bola Sbobet - Judi Online
Bursa Taruhan Bola
Agen Bola Terpercaya
Judi Bola
Taruhan Bola Indonesia

Tegar Fajar said...


Buahpoker.com Agen Poker Domino Online Uang Asli Tanpa Robot
BUNDAPOKER.COM Agen Texas Poker dan Domino Online Indonesia Terpercaya
DaunPoker.Net Agen Poker Domino Online Indonesia Terbaik Terbesar dan Terpercaya
SaranaPoker.COM Agen Texas Poker Dan Domino Online Indonesia
GLOBALBOLA.COM Agen Bola Piala Dunia 2014 SBOBET IBCBET Casino Poker Tangkas Togel Online Terbaik Terbesar Dan Terpercaya
Buahpoker.com Agen Poker Domino Online Uang Asli Indonesia Terpercaya Tanpa Robot
DAUNPOKER.NET AGEN POKER DOMINO ONLINE INDONESIA TERBAIK TERBESAR DAN TERPERCAYA
Buahpoker.com Agen Poker Domino Online Uang Asli Indonesia Terpercaya Tanpa Robot
Daunpoker.net Agen Poker Domino Online Indonesia Terbaik Terbesar Dan Terpercaya
BUNDAPOKER.COM AGEN TEXAS POKER DAN DOMINO ONLINE INDONESIA TERPERCAYA
SARANAPOKER.COM AGEN TEXAS POKER DAN DOMINO ONLINE INDONESIA TERPERCAYA

Tegar Fajar said...

prediksi-arsenal-vs-manchester-city-agen-bola
prediksi-chelsea-vs-swansea-agen-taruhan-terpercaya
prediksi-liverpool-vs-aston-villa-agen-judi-terpercaya
prediksi-juventus-vs-udinese-bandar-online
prediksi-sunderland-vs-tottenham-hotspur-bandar-bola
prediksi-real-madrid-vs-atletico-madrid-bola-online
prediksi-barcelona-vs-athletic-bilbao-judi-online
prediksi-sunderland-vs-tottenham-hotspur-13-september-2014
prediksi-barcelona-vs-athletic-bilbao-13-september-2014
prediksi-real-madrid-vs-atletico-madrid-14-september-2014
prediksi-juventus-vs-udinese-14-september-2014-serie-a
prediksi-chelsea-vs-swansea-city-13-september-2014-judi-online
prediksi-juventus-vs-udinese-agen-bola-terpercaya
prediksi-barcelona-vs-athletic-bilbao-agen-casino-terpercaya
prediksi-rennes-vs-psg-13-september-2014-agen-taruhan
prediksi-liverpool-vs-aston-villa-agen-judi-terpercaya
prediksi-southampton-vs-newcastle-united-bandar-bola
prediksi-empoli-vs-roma-13-september-2014-bandar-online