Monday, April 21, 2008

blue is the colour

I truly don't know how people who struggle with depression keep putting one foot in front of the other. They must have to draw on such reserves of strength just to make it through each day.

I don't think I've ever been depressed - not according to the clinical definition - or if I have, I've been lucky that it righted itself without intervention. But some days I get a taste of what it must be like to be depressed ..... I have the blues and they're hard to shake.

Last night I thought about the week ahead and it seemed that my life stretched ahead of me in endless weeks - work, work, weekends, work, work, weekends. Occasional holidays - long anticipated, over in a trice - then more work, work, work.

I woke up this morning and was overwhelmed by a sense of dread for the day ahead, the week ahead, the months ahead. Already this feeling is slowly lifting, but it's a frightening emotion. I hate to be so gloomy, so negative, so introspective, and yet the dread seems to wash over me unbidden.

To all those who suffer on not just the odd Monday morning, not just a few days here and there, but weeks and months and sometimes years on end - you are heroes. Day after day, you battle what others like myself can only imagine, while we despair of a single day of sadness.

It's time to get ready for work. It's time to change that blue to purple, then merge to red, and maybe even rev it up to hot pink.

I wish you all a hot pink kind of day!


fifi said...

oh, dear one, it is the weather sometimes. I have had a nasty couple of days, but I am very sensitive to the atmosphere of days. I was just about to write about it, but I think I will go and immerse myself in the wet rainy ocean instead. I will try and think pink thoughts.

as my friend Leeann says,


Heidi said...

I love the wish for a "hot pink day!" Thank you so much... I will plan on one tomorrow! (I could use one... so, to plan for one will be in order!)

freefalling said...

It sucks!!!
It's hideous!!!
Suddenly all those cliches you hear, mean something.
Some of the worst bits are the loss of joy in ANYTHING and the disconnectedness from life and people and just wishing you were dead.
Especially coz when you are normal again - every day is a joy and being alive is so fantastic.
And it's real scary.
Bloody bastard.

you sound like you need a break - maybe 3 months.
Could you do that?
Maybe you and Fatty and the kids could pack up, hire a camper van and travel up and down the east coast.
(I would, if I could convince my Fatty he would love it).

John Cowart said...

You certainly describe it well - overwhelmed, negative, gloomy, introspective, dread, sadness.

And to observe that some of us live in this state for years and years!

For me, this state is normal.

It is the background of my own life. But, I'm convinced it's a false background but it's always there anyhow.

But, I'm a duty-oriented person and doing whatever duty is right before my eyes helps me function in spite of the depression. Practicing a bit of cognitive therapy sometimes helps too. Personally, I shun medication of any sort, but I hear it helps some people.

I hope that what you are feeling is only a tiny taste of depression, an anomaly, and that you soon regain your bright outlook -- they tell me that that outlook is normal.

Hang in there. This is endurable. You're gonna make it.

thisisme said...

A hot pink kinda day sounds like a great idea. I could use one of them too.

I cannot imagine living surround by such blackness and bleakness - so those who keep going have my respect and admiration.

Stomper Girl said...

This is me on my PMS days and I'd really like to talk to the person who decided to give women PMS. I mean, why?

Hope your day was pink in the end!

fifi said...

bless yoooo and thanks for the hug.

I just noticed that fab post below, which I somehow missed. I shall look forward to reading that with a nice glass of red or four later tonight

word verification : amici ! heh.

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

Hope the rest of your days turn into hot pink days for you.

Remiman said...

Just so you know...
Everyone has those days, and
Later when they're gone,
Lift us more;
Yeilding an appreciation for the
Hues of red to pink
And waiting to be

Have a Pink day yourself!

Mimi said...

I've had some time of blues too and it is a hard time.


Dr Andrew Brown said...

I get those too. It's tough. But I believe the correct phrase is "she'll be right, mate" or something like that. :-)

My Dad is currently being expertly and kindly looked after by some of your Aussie colleagues, so my grateful thanks to you all.

mackeydoodle said...

I h come from a long family history of depression. I had many bouts with it but the worst was after the birth of my first child.
I have been blessed with Anxiety disorder too. Lucky me.
Thank the Lord for antidepressants.

jo said...

Your insight is to be commended, you gave me the courage to become a blogger...thankyou. May be I wont be lonely now because I took a risk to be me

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hi Jelly, sorry you had the blues. I get days like that, too, occasionally but, like you said, they resolve themselves. However, long term clinical depression must be dreadful. I guess I've just been lucky not to have suffered overly much from that.

I do hope the day turned warm pink for you Jelly. Sometimes it's just the weather or the change of season...who knows?

Thinking pink for you...


Elaine said...

Hello there from a new reader. I came to your site from a link on Dr Andrew Brown's site (a fortunate man) and really enjoy what you write. You've got a new regular reader here now!

Elaine said...

Hello there from a new reader. I came to your site from a link on Dr Andrew Brown's site (a fortunate man) and really enjoy what you write. You've got a new regular reader here now!

shellyC said...

Have you revved up to hot hot hot Pink yet??? I am sure you could do that very quickly!!

Strange how my very very favourite colour is a particular light blue!!

Anonymous said...