Wednesday, June 25, 2008

gastrointestinal grievances (warning - graphic details may offend or cause significant queasiness)

If it's not the dog's vomit that plagues me it's my children's. I suppose I should be grateful that until last night, neither dog nor child had spewed for a few months, but when my daughter hurls on the half hour for most of the night, I am nowhere near grateful. I'm not exactly grumpy, though, because after all I'm not the poor little body wracked with wretching. I am merely the holder of the bucket, the passer of tissues, the cleaner and the comforter. Much worse to be the bucket-filler. Still, I am weary. I need to sleep tonight in case tomorrow night brings another chundering child. Or heaven forbid, a sick moi. I am no good at vomiting. I have no style; no guts (he he) and definitely no glory.

Although I consider myself fairly stoic (rightly or wrongly), I admit to being a complete wimp when it comes to my stomach. I can go to work with a thumping migraine, I've walked around on a broken leg as a kid, I've given birth with but a whiff of gas. But give me a touch of nausea and I am a whimpering baby, a wuss, a sook. When I reach that point where I know that everything I've eaten is coming back to greet me, I feel panicky and desperate. I'd sell my first-born to stop the whole nasty business (well, maybe not my first-born but absolutely my dog). I mutter and shiver and shake and feel like bawling. I'm pathetic.

My son has inherited his mother's lack of vomit aplomb. He cries. He begs me to tell him when it will all end. He shakes and quakes just like his old ma.

My daughter is a calm, serene spewer. She coughs, spits, rinses then rests. She doesn't complain - I suppose she sees no point.

I feel a bit of a fraud bemoaning my lack of sleep last night, when it was not me bringing up my dinner with odd assorted chunks of what may have been pancreas. Really I ought to just go to bed and be glad I'm not (yet) ill.

Wish me luck (because I've grown quite fond of the dog)


Susan said...

Only a mother could read this and not get queasy! What a colorful account of spewing, I don't believe I have ever heard the ailment being referred to in such detailed description. Pancreas?

Hope all is well at your house after last night, and that no one else gets the urge to spew! Oh holder of the bucket - you!

Stomper Girl said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel; like you I am terrible at vomiting. And I also marvel at the clean, effortless spews of my partner and my first-born. I'm not sure about the youngest's technique yet, I'll get back to you on that! Gastro is the worst and is not allowed to happen in our house unless Fixit is home to deal with it. I hope your brave daughter feels better soon, that no-one else catches the bad bug and that you get your sleep.

Heidi said...

Oh, I will pray that you don't get ill, too... because I am like you when it comes to losing my lunch: whimpy!

I also hope that you daughter recovers soon. Stoic as she may be, it still stinks to be so sick.

My boys are just starting to get the hang of using the bucket... my husband and I suffered through many nights of changing sheets and doing laundry over and over this past winter. Knowledge of "the bucket" is an inportant fact to teach them young.

Rest. Hoping for a better weekend for you all.

Motherkitty said...

Poor you, and poor daughter. As a physician, you must know that your daughter will be the bearer of the gift that keeps on giving. Before you know it, everyone in your household will be entertaining the bucket. Sorry.

Hope you all feel much better very soon.

I agree with Susan. Only a mother could read your vivid descriptions and not get queasy. Why do we women always get to clean up human and animal bodily fluids/waste when they upchuck and have other accidents? It must be in our job descriptions or something, otherwise men would have to do it. Ha!!!

fifi said...

After seemingly endless broken bone related dramas I thought I was out of the woods, but no, there is a sore throat on day one of the cast-free life.

Never seem to get gastro stuff here. Thank God. Good luck this evening. Haven't you got child friendly vomit-stopper in your doctorbag?

hope you get some sleep.

shellyC said...

I am a vomit wimp and cry too when I spew!! It is so awful.

Re - snorkelling - we went on a trip off Airlie Beach. Write to my prvate email (travelling now so I haven't got yours)- I'll ive you my phone number then as we might be heading to Cairns in the next few days too for a road trip.


Remiman said...

Pukeing...Arrggg. May it pass you by without a tinge of bile.

Alipurr said...

hope you are all feeling better now. my favorite is if you ask them if they think they are going to throw up, they say no, & then throw up all over you or the couch, the bed, or, one of my favorites, the carseat

ahhh, brings back memories

Noella said...

Ah, how I can identify with you, Jelly. When I feel the tummy squirming I know I am going to go through an horrific purging.

I have no control over this whatsoever, but I have been told by hubby that the loudness of my yodelling can be heard up the street! My stomach is literally turned inside out! (OK, maybe not literally, but it feels like it.) Heart and soul go into the effort, no matter how calm I try to keep the performance! Spasms are so strong I feel I'll die before I get a chance to draw my next breath. It usually reduces me to bawling! My stomach muscles ache for 2 days after!

I remember coming home late one Christmas night, carrying my 2 yr old in, and on entering the house he threw up all over my shoulder and down the front and back of my clothes. Too much Christmas food! I never even put him down, just climbed into the shower with him, both fully clothed.

Oh, sweet memories! (He turns 29 yrs old tomorrow.)

mcd7m said...

Hello! I am a second year medical student at the University of Virginia. I am doing a research project this summer on blogs maintained by medical students and physicians and I have really enjoyed reading yours! I wanted to let you know about an online journal at UVA called Hospital Drive, which can be found at I think you and your readers would really enjoy reading and perhaps even submitting material to the journal. Happy Reading!

Kerri said...

Yuk, gag, ik! Poor Laura, poor Jellymom!
I'm extremely impressed by the number of monikers you came up with for vomit. Clever girl, Jelly! :)
I hope Laura is feeling much better and that no one else caught the bug.
By some happy accident I rarely throw up (hey, there's another name for it), but my dear husband makes up for my lack of upchucking (one more!) by doing it readily. He doused a hapless dental assistant once who stuck an xray 'thingy' into his mouth, which caused that nasty gag reflex. She was none too happy with him, to say the very least.
I had that done to me just yesterday at the dentist, and it really hurt, but I politely refrained from chundering (my personal favourite!) on the hygienist.
Lord, I hope you don't catch it. That would be so awful for your poor family! ;)
Excuse me now, I'm feeling a little queasy....

meggie said...

Thank goodness you have gone away for a holiday now. I hope no one gets sick or even nauseous while you are away!

thisisme said...

Oh, poor all of you. I hope you are all feeling healthy now. I'm the queen of bloodshot eyelids whenever I hurl (another one!) so I know exactly how you feel.

freefalling said...

Oh - I love a good vomit.
It feels so cleansing.
Kinda like a reverse enema!
It's like all the vile, poisonous, horrid things that stick to you as you pass through life, are cast out of every little cell!
(It's not very nice though, if a little bit comes out your nose-yew!)

Mimi said...

Is this coincidence or what, my entire family had the pukes not long ago. I was the only one who managed to escape so I was the clean up lady. Yuk.