Wednesday, January 28, 2009

couch potato goes too far

My day started rather oddly, with this single sentence emanating from my clock radio, as the alarm went off:

'A bloke in Britain survived more than two days under a couch by sipping from a bottle of whisky'.

That was it. The radio announcer must have just drawn breath to speak when my alarm went off, and although I fumbled to turn off the alarm, I finally pushed the 'silence' button right at the end of the announcer's sentence. If I was schizophrenic or psychotic, I'd have been convinced that someone was sending me disturbing messages through the airwaves. As it was, I pondered over this unusual pronouncement, as I changed into running shoes, T-shirt and shorts.

For starters, why was someone trapped under a couch? How does one get stuck there? Was the poor fellow reaching to remove a dust bunny he'd spotted, and then erk! his arm was irretrievably wedged? Was he passing the couch, which was propped against the wall to make the living room appear more spacious, when suddenly the couch slipped, pinning him to the floor? The mind boggles. (Certain types of getting stuck, on the other hand, are completely understandable)

And secondly, how would sipping whisky help one survive? I mean, I suppose it might help get you in a better mood. You could tell jokes to yourself, slap your leg as you snort laughed, and then hiccup softly as you dozed, forgetting you were in actual fact stuck under a couch - but apart from that? Surely the alcohol would dehydrate you? Perhaps the man survived despite the whisky, rather than because of it.

These questions and more tortured me as I prepared to go walking with my friend Belly. I shook my head in amazement just thinking about the couch-squashed man, as I latched the dog lead onto the beagle and went out the front gate. But then beautiful Belly arrived, all smiles and morning cheer, and we strode off into the day, leaving all thoughts of couch-dwelling whisky-swiggers behind.

16 comments:

Puss-in-Boots said...

A conundrum indeed, but who needs it first thing in the morning?

John Cowart said...

Lucky bloke.
Last time I got stuck under a couch, I didn't have a bottle handy.

thisisme said...

What a perplexing way to start the day.

And it gets worse - http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2170207.ece

Flossy said...

Well, I have no idea why or how the silly an got stuck under his couch - but it was rude of him to cause such a lot of thought so early in the morning!
If you're like me, the brain doesn't really kick into gear until I've been a wake for an hour or so...

Jellyhead said...

Yes, thisisme, after writing this post I decided to google the story, and found out that the guy 'fell on the couch, which tipped over on him'. I'm still confused!! That's one seriously unstable couch!

fifi said...

perhaps he was surviving something else, hiding under the sofa, sipping his fortifying whisky.


Mind yu, I can't FIT under the sofa. He must have been a very flat man.

DayByDay4-2Day said...

I don't think I could even fit under my couch.
Maybe he was Mr. Potato head??

freefalling said...

It's like the car that ended up wedged in someone's roof.
Did u see it on the tele?

Isabelle said...

I'm sorry to tell you, but the chap/couch story didn't hit the headlines in Britain. Clearly it was publicised by an Australian trying to suggest that British people are incompetent and drunken. As if.

Jellyhead said...

Isabelle, I believe as a general rule, Aussies are too drunk and/or incompetent to plan something complex like a plot to discredit Brits!

It truly-wooly is a true story - well at least News Limited says it is! ;-)

The physics of it all does still perplex me.

Dr Andrew Brown said...

There's no need for you Aussies to invent devious schemes to discredit Brits. We can manage it perfectly well ourselves. :-)

I did see the story on the BBC News site, but it didn't achieve great prominence. We are still more interested by our bankers who have managed to get themselves Trapped under a Large Couch while swigging the whisky - metaphorically speaking.

Remiman said...

Jellyhead,
It appears to me that the bloke was engaging in sexual hijinks with his Russian paramour of similar couch potato-ness as him self. She of course was sipping Vodka. The couch toppled , dumping the lovers and settled upon them. In their inebriated state they found un-coupling too much to contemplate so continued to sip and sleep and when sobriety found them two days later they were released from their tomb.

Jellyhead said...

Dr`Andrew, what a brilliant metaphor!!

And Rel, you had me laughing with your scenario, but especially the Russian paramour's drink of choice - but ov corrrrrrrrrse dahlink!

Cindy said...

Better under the couch than stuck in it...

my grand kids love to have caves made out of couch cushions and fuzzy blankets ... my job is the construction of said caves -- whch usually turn out more like leaning towers...

I suppose if you're going to be under the couch, a good bottle of whiskey and perhaps a straw wouldn't be bad company!

meggie said...

The mind does indeed boggle! What laughs it evokes, though, to think through the scenarios!!

Kerri said...

Let's hope your clock radio wakes you gently with music from now on :)
That story is far too much for a sleepy mind to grasp!
I sure would love to see a photo of that incredibly dangerous couch.
It's a wonder the whisky didn't poison the poor inebriated couch potato :)