Sunday, February 12, 2006

no sugarcoating

One of the things I find so refreshing about reading John Cowart's blog is the honesty in his writing. He's not trying to make himself sound saintly. He doesn't pretend to have completely perfect relationships with his loved ones. John even blogs about his struggles with staying true to his convictions and religious beliefs. I find it comforting. If such an obviously lovely human being admits to a few flaws, then I don't have to be ashamed of having flaws, too.

I've been thinking about how things went at dinner last night with Fatty. We had a delicious meal, and we were thoroughly enjoying talking to each other. But then we had a minor disagreement, and the celebratory mood was gone. We talked through the issue, and there was no residual conflict. Just - the evening had lost a bit of its' shine. This happens in a relationship. You have your wonderful times, your good times, some fairly ordinary times, and even some awful times.

Yet, I found myself thinking,"I just won't mention the dinner on my blog. I'll let everyone assume we had a romantic evening. Why write anything negative?". But this would be to portray my marriage as something it is not; this would be sugar-coating my life to make it look pretty. My marriage is not happy all the time. I don't live a charmed life.

So I've told you all the truth. Our much-anticipated dinner was a bit of a fizzer. Hopefully we have many more dinners ahead of us, and hopefully we'll get it right next time!

10 comments:

Motherkitty said...

Even though you and Fatty had a minor tiff during your romantic evening out, I think it's wonderful that you were able to talk about it. So many couples hold on to resentment until it festers. You know, the old he said, she said game.

After almost 37 years of marriage, husband and I still go out to dinner and have a good time, but we mostly read the paper until dinner is served and share interesting things we read. At least you two were looking at each other and talking to each other. Give him a hug and it will be all better.

Still sleepy this evening. Thanks for the kind words, though. Both husband and I figure that it doesn't matter whether we are up all hours of the night because we don't have to be anywhere special in the morning if we don't want to be. I guess all couples our age go through this. At least we're in it together.

John Cowart said...

What a nice surprise to see my name on your blog this morning. It scares me and pleases me at the same time.

You're on the right track. Your last line is the key. When things fall flat between Ginny and me, we try to chalk it up to practice and say we'll do better next time. Even those Olympic ice skaters fall flat once in a while -- but they know that's not the only time they'll be out on the ice.

PHOTO said...

I have, at times bit my tongue and not said anything. It always makes it worse. Clear the air but try not to make a scene is the best. My wife and I (38 years as of December) actually learned that early in our marriage and have saved a lot fussing because we talked it out.

We still agree to disagree.

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

No marriage is perfect and no family is perfect...we all have our ups and downs. That's life.

The reason I started my blog was because I was going through a terrible time with one of my children...I just wanted to remove myself from the situation and go off in a new happier direction...And blogging has done exactly that for me.

So, you see it's okay to not be perfect...we all have flaws...some of us are a little more honest and open with them (I'm not referring to me here)...And some of us (like me) who are not anonymous bloggers have to be a little more careful of what we say, so as to not step on anyone's toes.

In reading your blog...I say that you & Fatty are very wise in talking things through. You may not agree in the end...but at least you know where each of you stand on an issue and maybe after thinking things through...you each might compromise a little...or you might not. But at least you discuss things...and that's good.

TUFFENUF said...

I think you have to weigh your words when you disagree. I see some couples argue and say hurtful things. I try never to do that. Just disagree about the issues, with no accusatory remarks. It would be very boring to agree all the time. I know what you mean, you were disapointed that maybe the argument "killed the mood". I think in those times, we must forgive and forget as soon as we can. That is what works for me.

manababies said...

To be honest, if you sugarcoated everything, it might be an interesting read every so often, but it certainly would be very difficult to relate to. I hate it when I'm REALLY looking forward to something like a nice dinner out with the hubby and it doesn't quite turn out as expected. Disappointing, yes, but if the next night out is a good one, then it feels like a small victory. Then you can hopefully look back at this disagreement and laugh about it.

Motherkitty said...

What do they say about the joy of making up with someone you just had a fight with? I hope your making up was more fun than your little spat.

Alice said...

I love reading about your 'warts and all' life. You have such an endearing and humorous way of telling a tale. Fatty's a lucky man, and I'm sure you often realise that you are a lucky lady. But then, luck has to be worked at, too.

Alipurr said...

But it was still a dinner alone with your sweetie...

DayByDay4-2Day said...

I hear you. This weekend was once of those down times for my relationship. At least you too talked about it.