In case you didn't notice from the comments section of my last post - I have been exposed and identified. My blog address is now known to my mother, an aunt and two cousins. I feel a bit like you do in that dream where you turn up to school in just your undies.
Having read a post from my blog once, then cleverly remembered the address, Mum has been reading my blog for a couple of months now. I didn't much mind having Mum perusing my posts. She's a very uncritical mother, and we've always confided in each other, so I didn't feel self-conscious, knowing she might be reading. But no-one else knew but Mum until just now. I think her mother's pride got the better of her. She was irresistably compelled to show my writing to her sister, who then mentioned it to her 2 daughters.
I was cranky with Mum when I discovered - I was sure she knew I wanted complete anonymity. It never crossed my mind that she would tell anyone else how to access my blog. Now I am no longer mad, but I do feel weird about this blog. I hardly knew how to start writing tonight. And this is in no way any comment on my aunt or my cousins - in fact they are all very warm and lovely women - it's just strange trying to write with readers who know you. I feel vulnerable.
I'm not sure what the solution might be. I'm trying to 'act normal', and in this case, my 'acting normal' involves writing about a situation that has distressed me, in the full knowledge that the people involved may well read these words. It feels bizarre. I don't want anyone to feel slighted, and I don't want my mother to feel worse (because she knows she's upset me, and she already feels bad enough).
I guess in time I will forget I have relatives reading, and will just write as always. I hope so. Tonight I am practising continuing to write what's on my mind. No doubt it's less than a rolicking read, but sometimes blogging is like that.
I know many of you, my blogpals, have family and friends who read what you write. Does this cramp your style? Are you more guarded in what you write than you'd like to be? Any solutions for problems you've encountered? I really want to get over this small hump, so your advice is much appreciated.