Wednesday, March 01, 2006

unmasked

In case you didn't notice from the comments section of my last post - I have been exposed and identified. My blog address is now known to my mother, an aunt and two cousins. I feel a bit like you do in that dream where you turn up to school in just your undies.

Having read a post from my blog once, then cleverly remembered the address, Mum has been reading my blog for a couple of months now. I didn't much mind having Mum perusing my posts. She's a very uncritical mother, and we've always confided in each other, so I didn't feel self-conscious, knowing she might be reading. But no-one else knew but Mum until just now. I think her mother's pride got the better of her. She was irresistably compelled to show my writing to her sister, who then mentioned it to her 2 daughters.

I was cranky with Mum when I discovered - I was sure she knew I wanted complete anonymity. It never crossed my mind that she would tell anyone else how to access my blog. Now I am no longer mad, but I do feel weird about this blog. I hardly knew how to start writing tonight. And this is in no way any comment on my aunt or my cousins - in fact they are all very warm and lovely women - it's just strange trying to write with readers who know you. I feel vulnerable.

I'm not sure what the solution might be. I'm trying to 'act normal', and in this case, my 'acting normal' involves writing about a situation that has distressed me, in the full knowledge that the people involved may well read these words. It feels bizarre. I don't want anyone to feel slighted, and I don't want my mother to feel worse (because she knows she's upset me, and she already feels bad enough).

I guess in time I will forget I have relatives reading, and will just write as always. I hope so. Tonight I am practising continuing to write what's on my mind. No doubt it's less than a rolicking read, but sometimes blogging is like that.

I know many of you, my blogpals, have family and friends who read what you write. Does this cramp your style? Are you more guarded in what you write than you'd like to be? Any solutions for problems you've encountered? I really want to get over this small hump, so your advice is much appreciated.

17 comments:

susan said...

In the little time I have been acquainted with you - you don't seem the type to worry about what other people think, you come across as very strong and confident, so why start worrying now? If they don't like it, they don't have to read it. Of course that is all easy to say, not necessarily easy to do. Your family will probably just be glad to have this opportunity to get to know you better. Good luck getting over this hump!

Motherkitty said...

One of the reasons I hesitated starting a blog, even though husband was persistent over a long period of time, was the feeling of exposure. I didn't want anyone I knew reading and possibly criticizing what I wrote.

I soon realized, however, that people were actually enjoying what I wrote (a kind of voyeurism) and that gave me the confidence to continue. Also, like you, I'm pretty outspoken. Frankly, though, I really didn't care what they thought. I just didn't like the idea that they knew I had a blog where I might be talking about personal stuff.

Please don't worry about your family and friends knowing and reading your blog. They will love you all the more for it. It will be fine, you know.

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

You will adjust to not being anonymous, but I find that I am very guarded in what I say...I cannot always express how I really feel for fear of stepping on some toes. That has steered my blog into a different direction...but a better direction for me.

At first I was very self concious of what I said, but once the comments started coming in, I felt more confident in what I wrote.

My advise to you is to keep writing just the way you normally do...I have not noticed anything, that in the least would seem offensive to anyone. It's just about your daily life.

Your relatives have apparently been reading you for a while now and all is ok except that now YOU know about it.
That's all that's changed. I'm with Susan...why start worrying about it now? Just continue to write as before.

judypatooote said...

Heck, my whole family, nieces, cousins, daughters....they all read my blog.....I have friends that tell friends, and I think it is great....I have read your stuff and I don't think you have ever said anything bad about anybody.... I just write, and don't think about the people reading it.....so relax, and just write your inter feelings.....but don't ever say anything bad about MOM......LOL

TUFFENUF said...

Just write from your heart like you always do, Jelly. A few of my real life friends and family read my blog, it is a way for them to keep up with my activities when I don't have time for a phone call or email. Don't change the way you post, everyone who reads your blog "loves" the way you express yourself!

Suzanne said...

it's not so much that I know my mother and sister read my blog....but more that I am just very aware of what I throw out in the universe. Everyone can read a blog, and I am careful not to write specifically about people, or use real names of business, work, etc. You never know when something is going to come back and bite you in the you know what!

Alice said...

I can understand your dilemma. It's one thing to write for blog friends, but maybe another matter when it's for family and personal friends. My daughters and my son's girlfriend all have blogs, and my sisters read them (when they remember), but we don't tend to get too deep and personal in our postings. You really speak from the heart in your writing, and we all love it and want to know you better. I'm sure your lovely relatives feel the same way. I think you will eventually get over feeling self-conscious and not worry about it.

Heather said...

Many, many of my family members read my blog.. I was just complaining to a friend today that I can't really write about the things that are foremost in my mind right now because I don't want them to be common knowledge and fodder for gossip among friends and family.

I have no solution except for you to change your URL if it continues to bother you that you are no longer anonymous.

Good luck!

Tomas Dennis said...

You can still write another blog using a different name. I have done that from time to time. It will take a while for friends to find it but they will.
My original muse page was strictly linked to those friends that I was on the communes with and it stayed that way until I posted a link to it on my family website.
I speak my mind on the muse page but on this blog I have moved toward the family and away from telling everyone to get lost.
Most everyone wants the world to know what is on their mind. A few folks just write because it feels good to write. I find that these blog posts really emphasize that last emotion.
The difficult part of everyone knowing who you are is the fact that family feelings can be hurt.
The best thing to understand is that emotions move to extremes and none of us are immune to those emotions.
That what makes life really great and all these blogs from Hong Kong to the Himalayas really tell us how close we really are as human beings.

mackeydoodle said...

Welcome Jelly - kin!!!

Val said...

Everyone has put my thoughts into such beautiful words already, so I'll just say "Go for it!" And be proud and happy that your mother reads your blog and advertises it to others. That's a great plus. I would love to be in that position myself, having started my blog originally so that family members (so far away) could share the little things of life, know what I'm currently doing, interested in, etc. Dad reads it, but from Mom there has been a resounding silence. That's such a contrast to the sharing I've enjoyed with people out in the blogsphere I've never met before. That's something to cherish too!

jellyhead said...

Thank you all. You have calmed me down and straightened me out.

I'll just keep writing like it's me having a little chat to myself, and all will be well (I think!)

manababies said...

Oooh, relatives do not read my blog. Hehe. In fact, I set up another blog for them to look at, which is mostly photos with a few tidbits here and there. And you know what? They don't even read it unless my husband tells them, "Hey, look at the blog. There are new pictures up." There are just one or two 'regulars' and they are close friends. I've actually taken on a different direction with my main blog recently, which was advised by my husband (the Web guy). This is in case I want to increase readership, which would probably include friends and relatives. But then it would really be a blog for people to read, completely devoid of emotion. Which would mean that ultimately I'd have to delete all the stuff I wrote while pregnant and emotional, as well as the stuff I wrote post partum and emotional... and well, sleep-deprived and emotional too. :) But on occasion I hear from a friend who says he has read such-and-such post in my blog and I get SO self conscious!

Mel said...

I had similar issues about family reading my blog. I use it for rants and vents sometimes and if family is reading, then I'm not comfortable venting when it involves them. I actually have a separate blog for that kind of stuff. I want to speak my mind, but don't want to hurt feelings or offend someone with what I might choose to say.

Alipurr said...

Hmmm, been there, done that....you will adjust, your writing will adjust. I have found that there are some things that don't need to be written anymore. And like some said, you could get another blog somewhere else, some actually have options like private, friends only, and public, and you could mark each post as you go....This is from LiveJournal, I have a good friend who has his blog there.

Flossy said...

I have friends read my blog and mostly it doesn't worry me - it helps them get to know m better. I don't know if my family do - my mother thinks it's weird to have a blog! I gave them the address, and I don't really write about any family issues I may have. I have enough other issues to keep things interesting!
But do what feels right to you, and try not to think about who may be reading - this is YOUR blog :)

Hugs xx

MrsGreenThumb said...

What the heck, Jelly, you write a wonderful blog. I sent my blog address to loads of people all over the world. I think it's neat that your family shares your thoughts. I do understand that trepidation though. I had qualms until a few nice people commented on my first blog (like yourself), then I was off and running. I've been reading many blogs from all over the world. It's amazing to read people's political views, personal dramas, jokes, and whatever strikes a chord with them. Imagine if we were all alike, we might all take vanilla.