Sunday, April 09, 2006

Spooked

Weird, unexplainable things are happening at our place. No-one knows how, no-one knows why. I'm considering phoning a TV producer and pitching them the idea....a show called Scary Suburbia. Or how about House of Horrors? (I know 2 small horrors, at minimum)

Firstly, there is this freaky phenomenon in which crayons and pens are discovered scattered far and wide across the kitchen floor. They have obviously been projected with such force that some have even come to rest partially under the fridge. It is quite a spectacular sight, come to think of it - a colour burst over the black and white lino. The strange thing is, no one knows how it happened. Fatty and I are mystified; Laura and Benjamin solemnly deny all involvement. And I believe my children, you know. They are perfect angels. My little sweeties would never deceive me. And so you see, we have the first evidence of a ghostly presence.

Other occurrences have baffled certain members of our family. For instance, Fatty and the children definitely don't know how the mountain of clean washing that was on the dining room table has found its' way into the drawers. All they know is, it certainly wasn't done by their hands. I have, from time to time, suggested that perhaps there is a Folding-and-Putting-Away Fairy, but this suggestion has always been met with derision. Part of the problem may be that when I query my dearest ones (about how the fresh clothes have magically disappeared), they often deny ever having noticed the pile in the first place. Sometimes I wonder if they are actually in cahoots with the Folding Fairy.

Sometimes food disappears, and this time I can assure you my children are not to blame. Often, we have been entertaining guests over coffee and cake, and then have trundled, en masse, out to the front veranda to farewell our visitors. When we return, still smiling and discussing the visit, we discover that the leftover cake has gone. Vamooshed. Left the building. We ask the beagle, lying nearby on her mat, if she saw anything. Millie stares blandly back at us. We wonder why she didn't bark at the cake thief. It's very odd.

Objects go missing, and we never find them again. Socks, library books, balls, hairclips.... they disappear into some kind of a black hole. There is no rational explanation. We turn the house upside down, but never do we rediscover the missing items.

I can't help but think all these events must be somehow connected. I have a brilliant theory about what's really going on: Somewhere, there is a malevolent pink-hair-clipped, crayon-throwing ghoul reading 'How Chickens Grow' with one hand, bouncing a Barbie ball with the other, wearing one red sock and one navy. Feeling quite nauseous after eating half a carrot cake, but satisfied that at least all the folded clothes are put away.

Elementary, my dear Watson.

17 comments:

Sharon said...

We are similarly haunted. :)

Many objects exist beneath our refrigerator that seem incongrous when exposed to the brilliance of a flashlight.

Also, I have an elf who prefers to eat a three-course meal after everyone else in the house has gone to bed and the kitchen is cleaned for the night. I awaken in the morning to find the littered remains all over the counter and in the sink. I never find him, or ascertain his identity. But for an elf, he's not terribly industrious, it seems.

Val said...

Oh, no, I think this is an epidemic. I too have noticed such things happening in our household. Strangely, crayon-related phenomena have ceased over time, replaced however with the disappearance of huge amounts of food normally associated with large creatures, also "after hours"! What can this mean?

This same ghost must have existed about 50 years ago in N.Y. as well: while my sister and I were eating tomato soup for lunch and Mom was next door talking to the neighbors, a ghost must have been responsible for the splats of tomato soup mysteriously appearing on the kitchen wall, as if flicked by spoon. How can this be explained? We were not able to help our mother in her investigations of this strange phenomenon.

Motherkitty said...

When things like this occurred in our house, we always blamed it on the cats, or the dog. Our children (and husband) were always "innocent."

This post was very cute. Thanks for an early Sunday morning laugh.

Just wanted to stop in and say a quick "bye bye". We are off around noon today and should be checked in around 3 p.m. Thanks for the lovely comments. I appreciate the hug and will carry it with me over the next several days.

John Cowart said...

Do not panic. This is a temporary poltergastic manifastation. It only lasts till the children leave for college.

doubleknot said...

When I lived alone things would go missing that I was sure I had put in a certain place. Now that I live with a room mate seems things have gotten better but something still hides things I go looking for - do you think my case may have to do with my too many birthdays?

cmhl said...

half a carrot cake! hahhaahhaah!!!

you should have skipped the cake part, and just gone for hte frosting. yum...

TUFFENUF said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Jelly, you are so funny! Just wait, I have two teenage boys with their own bathroom. No one else goes in there but them. Some mysterious person pees on the toliet seat! Neither one of them do it, so it must be a burglar!

mackeydoodle said...

You sure gave me quite the laugh today Jelly:D Thank you. I love your writings....I think you should write a book on parenting....Jellyheads Way:)

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

First things first:
Motherkitty is out of surgery and doing fine. She will be in the hospital until Wednesday or Thursday depending on how she does.

Your post is very humorous today...you have such a wonderfully imaginative mind and can turn the normalest(my word) of things into a wonderful story. You definately should consider writing a book.

The things that went missing at our house were always attributed to the Borrowers...The children read a book called the Borrowers and would always tell me that they thought it must be the borrowers who move & lose things around our house...Because it certainly wasn't them (the children).

T. said...

I think I have the sibling to your ghost. He lives in my basement and only comes out when I leave the house! If I catch him, I'll send him in your direction. Afterall, I am a big believer in family unity.

Dr. Suess names revealed only for you, Jelly. (And anyone who reads your comments.)

Nash Caelan (mine) and Cash Kayden (hers.) Aren't we cool? Note my sarcasm please.

Kerri said...

Yep, our ghost moved out a few years ago, but he left his buddy, the Cookie Monster behind. Oh, and the little guy that leaves the top off everything, opens all the drawers, and leaves the throw rug on the couch unfolded all the time. Are these little ghouls trainable I wonder? They don't seem to be. You have to catch them first!

Franny said...

Ah yes, your home is definately haunted...the clothes in the drawers is a sure sign. NO ONE HUMAN could have done that.
We have a Peanut Butter Fairy and a Milk Bag Fairy here. She is a magical, winged creature that puts away the peanut butter that my husband leaves open on the counter and she fills the milk containers when he leaves the bag empty.

She's an angry little fairy...

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

There is a 2nd Motherkitty update on my site...Kitten Yarn is still at the hospital, so I posted another update.

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shellyC said...

What I want to know is what these ghosts do with ALL the odd socks, library books, texta lids, game bits and barbie's left shoes??? OK OK -only the small things "might" be in the Vacumn Cleaner......but they were warned!!!!!!!

Val said...

Jellyhead, I am surprised you have got away with it for so long: a spam commenter has found your blog. Go to the settings > comments and enable "word verification".

Kerri said...

ShellyC, I'm curious...what's a vacuum cleaner? (chuckle)