Sunday, May 07, 2006

win or lose?

If I wasn't careful, I could end up one of those perpetually dissatisfied people - always wanting more. More success, more clothing, more holidays, more children even! I resist these urges; I fight my own greed and hankerings by telling myself in a stern voice how lucky I am for all I already have in my life.

At the karate competition on the weekend, I had only one opponent. She was tall, she had bleached blond spiky hair, she had a Nordic accent, and her name was Katarina. Katarina the Viking Queen gave me a thrashing. I tried, I really did, but I was completely outclassed. This woman had been on the State karate team, for Pete's sake! She well and truly kicked my butt.

Now, in my moments of rationality, I can tell myself Jelly, you are a mother and a wife and a doctor and a carrot-cake-maker and that is enough. You do not need to win karate competitions as well. This is what I tell myself, and as you can see, I give myself very sensible advice. HOWEVER..... I am often surprised to discover my competitive streak, lurking evilly under my 'oh-I'll-just-give-it-a-go-and-won't-that-be-fun' facade. I try to be pleased for simply entering the fray. I know that Katarina the Uber-Fighter has probably fought a hundred or more sparring bouts to my now one-bout history, and that I should be happy to have come away physically intact. But dammit, I wanted to win! Or if not win, at least not lose so decisively! Now you know my secret - I am a sore loser.

While I was fighting Killer Katarina, her coach was yelling out from behind me. "Keep going, keep it up, you've got it in the bag. Wait for her to come in, you've got it wrapped." It was all true - KK had it all over me. BUT DID THE COACH HAVE TO TELL THE entire AUDITORIUM? Mean man. Bad man. Stinky bott bott man (whoops, some three-year-old humour snuck in there)

So, like I said, for a day or so, I secretly nursed my wounded pride and wished I'd done better, wished I was better than what I am, in many ways. Then, today was sunny and the clouds were like caterpillars (or so Ben told me) and I laughed at work and kissed Fatty on the lips when I came home again.

My ungrateful thoughts have blown away. The house is still. I sit here typing, in a pool of yellow light. Peace and contentment are mine tonight.

17 comments:

susan said...

You are a winner to all us wimps who would not even try such a thing!

Alice said...

When Katerina the Karate Queen has finished kicking butt and hung up her boots (or whatever you wear)and all her fans have moved on to greener pastures, your biggest fans will be right there with you at home - Fatty, Ben and Laura, and in the wider world, your many, many blogger fans. You are our karate hero forever.

mackeydoodle said...

I give you credit for having the guts to even tangle with Killer Katarina! I would have ran away & hid in the bathroom!!! You have GUTS Jelly!!!
ON HELEN REDDY/
I am Jelly,hear me roar!
OFF HELEN REDDY/

TUFFENUF said...

Hey Jelly, I used to have to come up against bigger, badder, taller suspects in my job. I would just give 'em "the mean face" and fake it til the end. If I lost, I would go down trying. At the end, smile, they wonder if you really know that you lost. I picture Katrina to be like that tall Russian woman in the movie "Rocky". Too bad you have to go by the karate rules, cause you could win if you could "take 'em to the ground"!!!! I am proud of you for trying, win or lose.

Flossy said...

Well, good on you for getting out there and having a go! Most of us wouldn't do that :)

I know what you mean about being competitive though - I am fierce when I play netball - I HATE to lose - plus I get to let out all my aggression on my opposition player (sheepish grin).

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

We had a horrible hurricane over here named Killer Katrina last year...could it be one and the same?

There'll be other competitions and remember this was ONLY your first, and I know you wanted to win. Just like I was disappointed at not winning bornfool's flash fiction writing contest...but I didn't have a chance...the other entrants could really write and this was the first time I ever tried to write anything.
So, I can feel your disappointment.

Val said...

Alice said it all, Jelly. You are indeed a hero to us. But you know, this calls for a photo, yes a photo of you in your karate gear! If I can post a photo of me as pretend ballerina, you can post a photo of you as a real karate practitioner. (I'm sure there's some special word for it but not sure what it is)

Re your comment on my post disappearing: I didn't get an email notification - maybe you typed in the verification word wrong and didn't notice (has happened to me before). Or how about this: you're reading one blog's comments, then decide to follow up on the commenter's blog, you THINK you're commenting on that blog but the comment window is actually still attached to the blog you were originally reading. Confused? heh heh. I caught myself doing that last week, had to go back and erase my comment, with apologies to the original blogger and then repost it to the correct blog. Ooh I have a headache - I'll take two aspirin and ring you in the morning.

manababies said...

Hehe, like Abandoned in Pasadena, I thought of the hurricane as well. This woman doesn't sound normal. I don't know if I'd want to meet her in a dark alley, and outside the arena that's not a good trait to have. Unless, of course, you frequent dark alleys and you need to look mean and intimidating all the time. I bet she doesn't blog. And if she did, hers wouldn't be as good as yours. So there!

John Cowart said...

Do you happen to have her phone number? Just asking.

PHOTO said...

No one wants to lose! And no matter how good we get there's always someone better.

Kudos for having the courage to go out there and try.

shellyC said...

Good on you Jelly!!! You had a go and watch out Katerina....Jelly will whoop you and your coach next time!

jellyhead said...

You guys are the best!!

I may have lost a fight, but since I started blogging I have made so many wonderful blogfriends. I'm sure Katarina would be jealous!

Oh, and John Cowart - you are very naughty! (and very funny!)

Motherkitty said...

Didn't they make a movie about the Karate Kid? And, didn't you star in it?

Anyone who can put on a funny-looking outfit (with a black belt attached), get up in front of a large crowd and kick, grunt, and scream, make menacing gestures, and walk out of the arena without too much blood streaming down is a hero in my book.

Motherkitty said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Kerri said...

Hats off to you this time Jelly for standing up to Killer Katarina! I too would've run the other way :) You are definitely our dear sweet Jellyhead hero! Treating sick people takes more courage than a lot of us have....remember that! Thanks for sharing some of your innermost feelings with us. I love your honesty.
You go girl!!

MrsGreenThumb said...

You didn't run when you saw Katrina says alot. I'm impressed. Being physical with another person (except the Husband :) of course) is really scary to me. You could get hurt and you didn't back off. Hurray for you! What a gal!
And the karate is great exercise. I loved watching my son take lessons for 3 years when he was a young teen. It's a great confidence builder.

T. said...

That is hysterical Jelly! I can almost picture you and the Nordic Killer going at it. I give you credit, for I surely would never have stepped on that mat!