Sunday, July 30, 2006

tenuous connections

I used to visit her every day. She made me smile, giggle and laugh out loud. She had a knack with words that fascinated me. She was soft and sweet; she was sharp and sassy. And underneath her jokes and banter, there was always her raw and brutal grief, a grief that I wished with all my heart I could wipe away.

This woman was not an actual friend of mine. The 'visits' I speak of were visits to her blog. Yet I had read enough of her humour, and taken in enough of her pain, that I felt I was beginning to know her. Then, just over a month ago, she fell silent. Every day I check to see if she has written. Every day I see the same words, dated several weeks back.

Whenever she was going to be away, or knew she would be busy with her family, my fellow blogger would mention it in her posts in advance. She posted almost every day. Her last post was chatty, cheeky, light-hearted even. Now I wonder if she was actually fighting off a terrible despair, even as she typed those teasing words.

Where are you, my friend? Are you overwhelmed by your loss? Are you struggling with a new difficulty? I hope more than anything that you have someone to hold your hand and stroke your forehead. I worry that something awful may have happened to you, and I shake that thought away.

Wherever you are, please know that you are remembered, with compassion and fondness, with respect and admiration, and with a big smirk at the thought of all your cheesy puns. Please take care. You are one of a kind.


Alice said...

That is one of the amazing things about blogging. People we have never met, and probably never shall, become such real and close friends that we feel their pain, their concerns and their joys, as though they were our own. We also worry about their absence and long to know that everything is okay with them.

I too hope your blog friend is alright. Hopefully she will read your blog and know that she has friends who miss her and are concerned about her.

Motherkitty said...

I know your feelings and sentiments are shared around the world for this particular blog friend. I checked the other day and was amazed at the number of comments left asking how she was and where she was and what had happened to make her stop writing. In a way it felt kind of nosy for everyone to be asking, but I could feel their genuine concern over her silence.

The interesting thing about blogs is you can get close to a particular person through this form of communication. But, even though you feel their pain, you can't get in their skin or walk in their shoes.

I echo your thoughts and wishes that this blog friend is okay. I also would like her to know that we wish her well and to know that there are a lot of shoulders out there. This blogger is not alone.

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

I echo your sentiments and those of Motherkitty & Alice also.
I check everyday to see if our friend has posted, but nothing new appears and I fear for the worst that our dear friend has fallen into some kind of depression.

She is a very talented & whimsical writer and I enjoyed reading her humor as well as the other side of her as she worked through her loss.

We can't help but grow close to our blog friends as we read about their daily lives & struggles...their ups & downs, joys & sorrows and losses. We cry at some of the things they post and other times they make us laugh.

I dearly miss her and I hope that all is not what it seems to be and that she and her family are alright.
And if you're out there reading this...We miss you, because we care.

The Four Bears in the Woods said...

I too hope your blog friend is alright.

I wanted to stop by and say that I have tagged you to do a meme if you would like to. Just check out my blog if you want.

Hope all is well with you.

Mama Bear

TUFFENUF said...

Hi Jelly, I think about these things alot. It is crazy how fond we become of our annonymous blog friends. I know you - but you could walk right past me and I wouldn't see you. I wonder if when we die we should have our familes post something for us. I guess many of them would not understand. I hope your friend is just having computer problems and not anything more serious. It is nice that you care so deeply, that is why I love you so much.

Val said...

Tuffenuf raises a good point about asking someone to make a final post for us if something should happen. And I agree that they probably wouldn't understand our attachment to people we haven't met face to face. But blogger buddies are so real, aren't they?

Let's hope it's just a matter of your friend not having enough time for blogging, or needing a break from blogging. Others have mentioned this recently.

John Cowart said...

I'm really glad you wrote this.

I've wanted to find out about what happened to several people who dropped off writing, but I haven't know how to word my concern.

Didn't need to; you just said it all for me.

Mimi said...

I have befriended a woman whose beautiful 15 year old daughter died of cancer just over a year ago. I cried more than once reading about her and watching her video tribute. The internet can make the world seem a bit smaller.