Wednesday, August 30, 2006

when three's company

I think blog world has gone to sleep. It seems everyone has closed their laptops and gone off to defrost their fridges, trim their nose hairs or do their tax. All vital tasks, of course, but still. I feel that I need to stir things up a bit.

I was over visiting John Cowart's blog, and read his excellent post about the bad choices made by supposedly smart people. It reminded me of a particular situation that I know to exist between three people in this very city. I know this because two of the people in this story were dear friends of my pal Chooky. I'm going to have to change names and occupations, but otherwise the story will be true to life. Here it is:

Sarah and Craig met at school. Their relationship began when Sarah was still half in love with another boy she'd been dating. Eventually Craig won her over, and in their early twenties, they married. They seemed very close and loving. They were affectionate together, they laughed and teased often, and whenever they were apart, they missed each other terribly. Sarah was clever, and completed her studies to become a social worker. Craig wasn't a natural at his studies, but did very well for himself, going into business.

A few years later, they had a gorgeous little boy. Sarah and Craig were doting parents, and continued to radiate happiness - they seemed a beautiful family.

There came a time when Sarah and Craig decided they both wanted to learn a sport - for fitness and for fun. They began having tennis lessons with Crystal - a stunning redhead in her early twenties (can you hear that alarm bell ringing?.... brrrrrring brrrrrring!). Crystal was a self-proclaimed lesbian, who was in a relationship with an older woman. Sarah and Crystal became friends as well as being instructor and student. Crystal confided in Sarah when her relationship fell apart, tearfully admitting she felt lost and hopeless. She had to leave her lover's house. Where, oh where would she stay? (brrrrring!)

Sarah and Craig offered Crystal the downstairs area in their house; told her she was welcome to stay as long as she liked. Things were looking rosy for Sarah and Craig - they could afford to be magnanimous. They had just found out they were going to have another baby.

After that, the details are hazy. Chooky was told by Sarah and Craig that they both admitted to each other one day that they each 'had feelings' for Crystal. Crystal apparently felt the same. So yee-haw! they became a threesome and have remained so for the past year. When their second son was born, they named him Crystal's surname.

My friend Chooky was shattered by all this, because she'd always thought that if anyone had a rock-solid relationship, it was Sarah and Craig. They'd always seen Chooky through any emotional crises with compassion and wise words. Chooky had always counted on Sarah's sensible and practical advice. And now, this 'golden couple' were no longer an exclusive pair, and all their marriage vows were broken. It was not the morality or sexual choices that Chooky struggled with (although she did find the whole situation quite confronting) - it was the shock of realising that you may never truly know a person - you may never really know what a person is capable of - even someone who is a close and treasured friend. That takes some getting over.

Chooky has tried to maintain a friendship, of sorts, with Sarah and Craig. She doesn't ask how things are going between the 'threesome', but Sarah often sounds exhausted by caring for the baby, and Craig seems to spend a great deal of time away from the house, letting the two woman do the child-rearing. It's a bizarre set-up. It's like something from a sordid midday soapie, only more sordid.

I have met Sarah and Craig on several occasions, and they seem perfectly friendly, intelligent and interesting people. I just don't know if they're ever going to manage to be happy again.... if they ever were.


Abandoned in Pasadena said...

What, no comments? Am I the first? I don't know what to say?
Apparently Crystal is bisexual and the story didn't end in the direction I thought it was leading to.

Have there always been so many people with unnatural sexual behaviors or are we just hearing more about them? It's almost getting to the point that a heterosexual is slowly becoming the minority. I'm not a homophobic, so it doesn't bother me what one's sexual preferance is...but what does bother me is that there are so many of them. I would like to know what has caused the it something biological or environmental? I know it's not a choice.

jellyhead said...

Hi Sandy, thanks for your comment. Seems you're the only one brave enough to say anything so far!

I want to make it clear that I have no problem whatsoever with the spectrum of sexuality ranging from heterosexuality to bisexuality to homosexuality. I absolutely agree that a person's sexuality is innate, and not a choice.

I guess I just find the idea of a three-way relationship difficult to comprehend - how would it work without someone eventually getting jealous, and how would a previously exclusive (as far as I know) marriage continue to thrive?
Maybe I'm wrong, and this relationship will last for years. I have my doubts.

The scary thing about this story is that NO-ONE who knew these two had any idea they would ever consider such an arrangement. All their friends are in shock. Most are trying to accept Sarah and Craig's (and Crystal's) choice, and be supportive, but they're in shock nonetheless.

susan said...

I agree that the blog world has gone to sleep! Where is everyone? But now that you and John are posting such juicy stories, hopefully everyone will start blogging again! Is this really true, or are you practicing for your writing contest? Or is this about you and Fatty and you are just trying to see what we think before you come out?

Just kidding! I cannot see how this relationship could last much longer, and am surprised it has lasted this long.

Abandoned in Pasadena said...

I agree with you Jelly and think that one of the three will eventually get jealous and that the threesome will breakup and the marriage will fall apart. No matter who leaves this relationship, the marriage is now doomed.

Mimi said...

Sounds like three very selfish people to me. If it feels good do it. I'm in the old fashioned set of do what is best for everyone. In marriage and in families some amount of self sacrifice is always called for. This destructive love triangle will certainly explode within time and as usual the kids will suffer.


TUFFENUF said...

I am not asleep, just behind on my blogging because of a computer malfunction! I know a couple that I have known for YEARS, and they announced to me one day that now there was ANOTHER person in the relationship. I was just floored about it. I didn't (still don't) know what to say. Do I include the third person on the Christmas card? I have tried to be open minded about this; after all, I am not exactly a conformist. It is just so foreign to me, it has really changed our friendship. I am sorry that I feel this way - but "two's company - three's a crowd!"

John Cowart said...

Everyone has their own way of living and I suspect that most of us do the best we can with what we've got. Yet, I feel the saddest thing about such a situation as you describe is that all parties miss out on the best life and God has for them.

The chief end of all human endeavor is to be happy at home. If we miss out there, then what's left?

There a lot of rocks we can run aground on and there are a lot of sharks in the water, so I think the best thing we can do when we see people we care about nearing the shoals is to be there to pick up the pieces when they shipwreck.

Nobody needs my approval to do anything, but they may later need my help. The problem I have to watch for is that they may pull me under too; I'm not strong eneough in myself alone to help anybody.

I'm not making sense here, it's just hard to know how to care, when you care...

Ginny and I have this unconventional marriage ourselves... we're faithful to eachother (At least I assume she is too). Feels sort of out of step with the rest of the world, but it works for us.

Remiman said...

There really isn't anything new under the sun.
History tells some ribald tales based on truth not fiction.
As john cowart says: "I suspect that most of us do the best we can with what we've got."
The me for me world is just being more publicised currently.

But, when it shakes our own circle we pay closer attention.
To point: Henry and June Miller + Anias Nin--couldn't last, didn't last.
More often than not these conjugal threesomes come to a sad ending for all or some of the participants.

Kerri said...

Well, you sure know how to stir the thoughts up Jelly!
I agree with the prevailing thread of thought here.....two's company, three's a crowd. It's so sad when otherwise smart people can't see the forest for the trees, and the result is irresponsible or downright dumb behavior.
It's especially upsetting to think of the devastating effect this relationship will have on the children. Poor innocent things.
I wonder which one of the threesome will be the first to wake up....or break up.
The me me world is definitely much more publicised these days.
I strongly believe though, that the majority of married couples are still faithful to one another, even though it seems otherwise. The good news doesn't often make headlines!

Franny said...

That is insane! Sounds less like a threesome and more like polygamy...especially if the two women are doing all the child rearing and chores for him.
This story is an example of small choices having huge consequences. OMG people, listen to those alarm bells! (BRRRRRRRRRINGGGG!) And when you hear them, run away! I do!

Julie Julie Bo Boolie said...

I often joke with Gunther that I would like a wife of my own.. but I don't think I'd be able to function in that kind of relationship.. I'm far too possessive and insecure. Oh well.. works for some I guess...

Motherkitty said...

Well, folks, nothing new here. We have three very selfish, indulgent people who are just trying to have a little fun without subjecting themselves to criticism from society. The children will eventually suffer as they grow older. The third wheel (Crystal), I suspect, will most likely be eliminated from the threesome some time in the future for some reason, and the other two will have to pick up the pieces for the sake of the children. Not a good situation in the long term.

I suspect this is another case of whatever feels good so let's do it. We, the public, may not like it but it's the 21st Century and anything goes. Isn't this what happened before Rome fell?

Tanya said...

Wow. I just wonder, when making the decisions they made, how they came to the conclusion that this was the one for them. And was this the best one for the children? Do they regret it? I'm not judging in any way, I just wonder what goes through people's heads in these situations.

Zephra said...

That is the beginning of the end for them. Someone will be turning resentful soon. People never cease to amaze me.

HORIZON said...

I'll be honest here Jelly- the whole thing is a bit weird- l feel sorry for the kids when they start to understand what is going on. I also don't know how a marriage can recover from this one- sad.
I've been really busy here this past month with kitchen renovations and family visiting. Today my sister and brother are taking the kids all up to Stirling castle- l am enjoying the peace and having a bit of time to myself- so here l am- back blogging-lol
Take care for now and if Crystal needs a place to kip (sleep)- say NO!!!