Friday, November 28, 2008

morning glory

My dog may be a grumpy old beagle who snarls if I try to trim her toenails, but she is very attuned to her owner. As I lay sleepless in bed in the early hours of this morning, she barked dutifully at the paper delivery van - something she never does. She sleeps below our bedroom, and she must have sensed I was awake. I am strangely fond of that narky old mutt.

Too much coffee yesterday has undone me. From midnight onwards I slept only in fits and starts. By five am I gave up on sleep, and simply lay thinking. As much as I like to get enough rest, there is something exciting about being the only one awake in the household; I can think with no risk of interruption.

I thought of Mama, my maternal grandmother, and I thought of her quiet laugh, the glass of sherry she often drank as she made herself dinner, her cornflower blue eyes, and her face at the moment when she died. I thought of watching my daughter on stage tonight at her dance concert; how she moves her little body with grace, while her face shows every anxious thought. I thought of my patient yesterday who unexpectedly told me I'd made her feel 'a million dollars'. I thought of how trying to Christmas shop for my brother makes me want to cry. I thought of my friend, Belly, and the incredibly gentle guidance she gives me when I need advice.

I tiptoed out of the master bedroom, feeling the lure of writing. I sit in a silent house, gazing out the window. The sky is the colour of faded jeans and the sun is sparkling on leaves and grass and flowers.

It's a new day, full of possibility and promise.

16 comments:

freefalling said...

I must have been keeping you company.
I was doing the exact same thing this morning in the wee hours.
It's kinda nice every now and again.

Isabelle said...

Why does shopping for your brother make you cry?

Too much coffee... maybe you should ask advice of a doctor?

Nice descriptions, though. Here, the sky has been the colour of ashes. Wet ones.

Stomper Girl said...

A bit of thinking time is very precious and you obviously spent yours well. I think at 5am after broken sleep I would be thinking mean and cranky thoughts only, but you thought of such good things.

Motherkitty said...

Here I sit, just before I must go to bed, with tears in my eyes, thinking of your maternal grandma and the look on her face when she died. And, now, I will be the one not being able to sleep, for all the thinking I must do this night.

You have an interesting life. Enjoy your children because they grow up so very fast. Blink and they will be gone.

Alipurr and family and son and his wife will all be here in two weeks -- to help husband and I celebrate our 40th anniversary. And, I'm so very happy.

Elaine said...

I was going to say I had been awake (but tossing and turning) at the same time as you, but then I remembered the time difference!

John Cowart said...

It's 4:50 a.m. as I write this comment and I've been up for an hour already. You're right, there is something special about the quiet hours of early morning before the world gets up and starts barking. It's my time to think and pray and... well, I can't say meditate, I have to use the word "vegetate".

Remiman said...

Jellyhead,
Cherish those prescious moment of alone time with Jellyhead. she's quite a smart girl, you know, with a ton of insight and I suspect that you will learn a lot fom her.
rel

Heidi said...

*HUG* You're special, Jelly! (And your dog sounds more interesting everytime you write about it!)

Amrita said...

Thankyou for visiting Jellyhead.

Yeah the terror drama beingplayed right in front ofour eyes onour television screens is almost over.

Horrible stories are emerging. its justtoo apinful.

meggie said...

sesseMy nights have been spent in sleeplessness too.
I used to worry about it, but now, I know it will pass.
Nice to think of your old dog pal, picking up your vibes.

shellyC said...

I love the mornings all to myself!! the house to just me and silence - love it too

fifi said...

That is a lovely start to the day, so thoughtful.


I am going to give up coffee, last week at one point I thought I was having heart palpitaions, but realised I had ingested about a litre of espresso....


skies are lovely right now...

thisisme said...

Enjoy that time with yourself in the mornings. What a glorious way to start the day.

thisisme said...

Oooh, that was scary - we just crossed :)

Mimi said...

Sounds like your night of insomnia was rather productive.

Kerri said...

It sounds like an epidemic, Jelly! I've had some nights like that lately, and have been slinking out of bed at 5am when it's still black outside since we went off Daylight Savings Time. I think it's the time change that has me out of whack.
It is rather nice to have a quiet house to yourself.
Thanks for sharing those sweet thoughts of yours :)