Sunday, January 28, 2007

schoolgirl




My gangly gap-toothed girl begins Grade 1 tomorrow, and I thought I would be fine. I smirked when the teacher told us there would be tissues for the parents the first morning. Yet tonight, I find myself tearful and pensive.

Were I to search the world over, I don't think I could find a daughter I'd love more. My Laura-Lou, my oldest, tugs at my heartstrings in a particular way, because she is such a good and true little person. Not perfect, not insufferably and consciously good, just a wonderful, decent kid. A sweetheart. A treasure.

So tomorrow, out into the wide world goes my first-born. She will make new friends, and become more independent. As time passes, she will slowly grow away from her parents, and identify more with her peers. In years to come, there will be times when she hates me, or at least hates the way I talk/walk/act/dress. There may be times when she makes me yell with frustration or weep with hurt.

I hope there will always be this same bond of love between us, to carry us through. I hope Laura will overlook my funny habits, my annoying ways. I hope Laura will love me with all her heart, just as I love her.

Laura, my little Louey, you are brave, bright and beautiful. You're going to be the best little schoolgirl around!

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

That's a big step for you and for your darling little Laura...I know I cried and when the last of my three children signed up for school, I signed up as well and became a teacher's aide at their school. Isn't that pathetic??? I couldn't bear to be separated from them.

Laura will always love you...You need not worry about that even though peers will become more important to her in her teenage years, she will be back. Take it from a mother of three.

Also...thank you for the lovely comments you leave on my blog. They mean a lot to me.
xoxo

T. said...

How exciting for you both! I remember Fric's first day. I was such a nerd about it. I took photos, brought tissue, gave kisses and hugs until she rolled her eyes, told me "Enough, Mom. Chill." and scampered into her new domain.

Good luck to both of you!

Motherkitty said...

Two steps forward and two steps back. How exciting for Laura Lou. Mom, enjoy your lovely daughter now and forever because she is embarking on the adventure of a lifetime. I doubt if she will "hate" you -- how could she? There is nothing hateful about you, dear Jelly.

Anonymous said...

You brought tears to my eyes Jelly.

I know that feeling so well. My daughter & I seemed to have a special bond from the moment she was born, & we have always kept it. She is almost 40, & still my best friend.
The teenage years werent all pretty- but love always got us through.
I am sure Laura will always love you too.

shellyC said...

I know that feeling!! Take your own tissues too!!

The joy that you will feel when you see her growing and enjoying school and learning so many new things is wonderful too! Of course sharing it all together is so special too.

Anonymous said...

That picture is priceless Jelly. Laura is so cute! What a sweet little school girl. I'm sure she looks just like you.
She will love you always, I know, even if/when she feels as you described, during those teen years (most of them do, sad to say), because you are so lovable and loving dear Jelly.
Enjoy her new adventure!

Heather said...

Good luck to miss Laura-lou!

John Cowart said...

As our kids were growing up and going through all the phrases you anticipate, we found it helped keep us more or less sane to view them as a parenthesis in our life.
We were in love and had a life before they were born (then we devoted time to giving them roots and wings till they were grown) then we resumed our own love affair and life.
While our “parenthesis view of child rearing” helped, it did not temper the joys nor alleviate the pains too much. But it worked for us… Er, assuming we came out of it sane, that is.

Anonymous said...

Jelly,
What an awesome adventure you are about to embark upon. Full of excitement and fear. There may be be times when adolesent years come by that will be troublesome, but it's not inevitable. In either case, I can assure you, she will always love you and turn to you when she needs direction and advice.
Overlook funny habits? Come on...You can't have everything. lol.
Still and all, in the end the brightest and best little school girl will have the bestest mom around!!

Val said...

All the previous comments ring true.

Now my two cents: this is now an opportunity for you to devote more time to your other child(ren). And when they too have gone off to school you will again have some time to devote to yourself. Remember that person before you became a mother? I assure you that you have been missing that person, maybe without realising it. You may not be surprised to read that I did not shed a tear when both my sons started school, but had to restrain myself from kicking up my heels as I left the schoolgrounds.

That said, the school years seemed to go on endlessly, and I was very much involved with their schools. But suddenly those school years will be over, gone by faster than you would have ever imagined. So enjoy the times now while they're there, both the good and the bad - it's all a part of the fabric of life.

jellyhead said...

Sandy, I smiled at your story of signing up as a teacher's aide...because I fully understand that sadness at having less time with our kids! Thanks for the reassurance about always being loved by Laura :)

T, Fric sounds like such a spunky gal! Laura was fine in the end, but still looked a little *serious* when I left her (and told me later she'd been 'nervous' at first, but that when her dad came to collect her she didn't want to go home!)

Motherkitty, I really am trying to savour all my time with Laura before she grows up and away. As to me being 'hateful' - I do have my moments, you know!

Meggie, it's so nice to know your daughter is also your best friend. I would LOVE to have that with Laura when she is a grown woman...fingers crossed!

Shelly, you've survived it recently, too, right? It all went OK yesterday and I did not blubber or even leak tears (must have got it all out of my system writing this post the night before!)

Kerri, thank you for your kindness and support ...I know you have been through the same thing, too, so you understand.

Heather, have you bought any more furniture???! Thanks for the sweet comment :)

John, I absolutely agree, and I will try to adopt your and Ginny's approach, but I can't guaranteee I won't cry when my kids leave home... I'm a soppy old sap!

Thanks Rel for saying hi and giving me some reassurance. But what's this about not overlooking my funny habits??? Are you saying she will point them out and laugh at them, like I do to my mother? Noooooo, surely not? ;)

jellyhead said...

Val, you snuck a comment in there while I was writing mine!

Thank you. You are right, there is much that I would like to do, and cannot while my chidren are still small, and needing so much attention and care. Going to school is a sign they are getting older, and needing less from me. So, there is definitely a happy side, like you say - I will be sure to relish that, too!

Alice said...

Jelly, my heart nearly burst with delight at reading how deep is your love for this beautiful little girl.

She is also one very lucky girl to have a parent (no doubt two) who can see and appreciate her as a complete person, with feelings, dreams and emotions of her own.

I hope that 'big' school will be a delightfully rewarding time for you all.

Alipurr said...

you should print this one out and give it to your daughter someday....she will cherish your words