While some people seem to get inspiration from their angst and turmoil, I find that any negativity in my life leaves me with nothing to say. At least, nothing to say on my blog (Fatty and my friends will attest to that - I am rarely one to suffer silently). However, today, in desperation for subject matter, I'm going to write about what's on my mind anyway.
Right now, I am struggling with some mixed feelings towards one of my close relatives. This person I love dearly, but this person is quite different to me, and I am intolerant of this. I want my relative to be like me, because of course I am the gold standard for perfection (cough).
I have never been very good at agreeing to differ over something and moving on. Or rather, I have never been very good at this when it comes to someone I love. I so desperately want to feel that my loved one and I are in synch. I want us to be in harmony, our thinking aligned, laughing at the same things and railing at the same injustices. Of course, life doesn't work this way. Everyone is different, even if only in small ways.
One of my worst qualities is an overdeveloped sense of justice. I want everything to be fair in life. I become upset if I feel I am doing more than my share, in any situation, without thanks or acknowledgment. I demand appreciation from my husband. I secretly get irritated if a friend neglects to thank me for doing her a favour. Although I cultivate an image of sweetness and light, underneath I am a cranky grudge-bearing, score-keeping old cow. Now you know. The truth is out.
'Jellyhead' may have a dopey smile and a wobbly brain, but she's also got a steel backbone and a stick up her a**. Not to mention quite frequently her foot in her mouth.
(Now there's a mental picture you don't want to dwell on)
20 comments:
Are you sure we're not related?
Can you love them from afar?
I've got someone I love very much but would also like to get them down on the ground, wrap my hands around there neck and squeeze, squeeze, squeeze!
I actually went through a grieving period for the relationship when I realized it could never be what I wanted it to be.
I reckon it makes the relationships we have that work so well, even more precious.
Jelly,
I used to think everyone close to me should think like me, but I've gotten over that. (Most of the time...no...really. ;))
The justice and fairness thing is something we have in common. Strange, don't ya think, that two people 1/2 a world apart in both distance and age can have the same feelings in that regard? Purely a retorical question.
rel
So what's wrong with wanting things just and fair? And feeling miffed when you don't get a polite thank you when deserved? Sounds normal to me.
But if you are score-keeping, that will get you nowhere, and is probably doing you some harm. I think you've done something good by getting this off your chest on your blog.
Stop being a cow by putting yourself down. ;-)
I have a close relative who makes me nuts too.
I like to think it is building my character. ;-)
Can you look at all the good aspects of this person's character - surely there must be some - and accept that they don't have to be exactly like you to be of worth.
If there are matters that you disagree on vehemently, unless they are against the law or affecting someone else, you may have to acknowledge that it is their opinion, which they are entitled to have, and you trying to change their mind will only entrench their mindset further.
The truth is of course, you can LOVE someone dearly but that doesn't mean that you actually LIKE them. Many a spouse in an unhappy marriage will claim that they love their partner, all the while putting up with behaviour that makes them truly unlikable.
I know I haven't solved your problem, nor expected to, but perhaps you feel better about the situation now that you've shared it. And feel free to do so whenever you need to.
You are only human dear Jelly. We all have our downfalls.
You are still superb in my books!
"I cultivate an image of sweetness and light" -- I'd never have guessed that.
Seriously, I think that getting along with people we love (or at least people we have to be around every day) is the number one biggest problem in the world.
And, you're right, the world would be a much better place if everyone were exactly like you.
Face it, jelly, there is no one else like you, your uniqueness is your trademark. Just remember that everyone else only aspires to be like you!
Wouldn't it be a perfectly boring life if we were all alike? Just look at all the wonderful bloggers we "read". We are all so different yet can agree to disagree without being vicious about it.
I have relatives who I would like to take down and beat the living crap out of but they would still never agree with me. Life is just too short. 'Tis a far, far better thing to just be happy with yourself and those you love(without having a cow or being a pig about it). Mooo.
We love you just the way you are.
My Mother used to say, "All the world is queer, except me & Thee..
And even Thee is a little odd"
And I may have got the exact words icorrect, & that would enrage her!
I like just & fair too! And a little thanks when it is needed doesnt go astray.
Oh Jelly, I think we have another similar quality! I too can be all sweetness and smiles and inside be a real cow though I tend to use the word 'bitch'!!
shelly
Have you been reading my mail, Jelly? You've just described me!
Sometimes we have to compromise and oh, that is soooo hard! However, if there's one thing my time in this Universe has taught me...it's that I cannot, just cannot, be too stiff necked. Call it instant karma or something, but it usually rears up and bites me on the bum! I think that's my lesson to learn in this life...sigh.
I like to think of the people who try my patience as Zen masters...not that this necessarily helps at all. :)
"...underneath I am a cranky grudge-bearing, score-keeping old cow..."
Me, I'm different - I let the inner cow shine for all to see. If someone drives me mad, they're usually made aware of it right quick.
Welcome to the human race. You are just being honest and open about feelings most of us have at one time or another. I think maybe you need to try and lower your standards(not in moral issues of course) but in this case, let bygones be bygones. Isn't that awful but you might be happier that way. What is a bygone anyway?
Mimi
Thanks everyone for your commiserations, sage advice and support. After venting, I'm feeling much better. Still a secret cow, but not mooing or being a pig anymore.... for now!
I read this entry days ago, and didn't have time to comment...and then forgot to come back later as I'd meant to...just in case you think I've been slack getting here...which I have :)
Ross, who of course reads your blog..and usually before I do...says to say "moo" for him :)
I think he should write his own comments :) (and he's not funny!).
You don't sound very different to the rest of us Jelly, so I'm diagnosing you as "normal" :)
A little funnier than most, but normal nevertheless.
Life should definitely be fair...and thank you's should be said!!!!
Sounds pretty human to me - and completely sane. I tend to do the same thing - and get frustrated when people I love don't agree with me.
Glad you feel better for venting too!
I'm VERY late getting here as usual and I think "thank you's" should be given. I've been waiting for someone to thank me for over a week and I'm also having a cow about it as I smile & wait. I think I'll be waiting for sometime though.
You sound pretty normal to me and you have a humorous way of expressing yourself...even when you are upset at someone you love.
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