While some people seem to get inspiration from their angst and turmoil, I find that any negativity in my life leaves me with nothing to say. At least, nothing to say on my blog (Fatty and my friends will attest to that - I am rarely one to suffer silently). However, today, in desperation for subject matter, I'm going to write about what's on my mind anyway.
Right now, I am struggling with some mixed feelings towards one of my close relatives. This person I love dearly, but this person is quite different to me, and I am intolerant of this. I want my relative to be like me, because of course I am the gold standard for perfection (cough).
I have never been very good at agreeing to differ over something and moving on. Or rather, I have never been very good at this when it comes to someone I love. I so desperately want to feel that my loved one and I are in synch. I want us to be in harmony, our thinking aligned, laughing at the same things and railing at the same injustices. Of course, life doesn't work this way. Everyone is different, even if only in small ways.
One of my worst qualities is an overdeveloped sense of justice. I want everything to be fair in life. I become upset if I feel I am doing more than my share, in any situation, without thanks or acknowledgment. I demand appreciation from my husband. I secretly get irritated if a friend neglects to thank me for doing her a favour. Although I cultivate an image of sweetness and light, underneath I am a cranky grudge-bearing, score-keeping old cow. Now you know. The truth is out.
'Jellyhead' may have a dopey smile and a wobbly brain, but she's also got a steel backbone and a stick up her a**. Not to mention quite frequently her foot in her mouth.
(Now there's a mental picture you don't want to dwell on)